What to say when someone has a miscarriage

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For some women, the grieving period is short after a miscarriage, and that’s totally fine. For others, however, the sadness can last awhile and it can be complicated by several other factors. Photo: Pexels

 

(Alex Hazlett/ Parents) — Nearly one in five women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetimes, making the issue relatively widespread. It’s “one of the most common forms of trauma that many women go through, but it’s often unrecognized and unreported,” says Cecille Maria Ahrens, a therapist and licensed clinical social worker.

Given that miscarriage isn’t often discussed, many people aren’t sure how to respond when someone they know loses a pregnancy. What you say will naturally depend on your relationship with the person, but there are some general guidelines to keep in mind. Below are suggestions for supporting and talking to someone who’s had a miscarriage, whether it’s a friend, family member, or coworker.

Less is more, Ahrens says, especially if you don’t know the person well. She suggests validating the person’s experience, perhaps by saying “I’m sorry that happened, please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” She explains: “If you don’t know what to say, I always tell people [that] you can start with that. You can say, ‘I’m not really sure what to say or how to help but I want you to know that I’m here for you.'” (…)

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